Wrestlemania 9 Review

Wrestling fans everywhere are very opinionated when it comes to everything about wrestling. We all have out disagreements on wrestlers, shows, the business, and everything dealing with wrestling. But there’s one thing that every one agree with is that Wrestlemania IX is really the worst Wrestlemania of all time. This was around the time where the New Generation started kicking in that replaced the Golden Age of wrestling in the WWF. Vince McMahon wanted this Wrestlemania to have its own theme like Wrestlemania VII did with their patriotic theme. This one here had the whole show like a toga party-like gladiator event where all of the body guards, non-wrestlers, and even the announcers were all wearing togas, roman soldier gear, and roman/greek gears. I give this wrestlemania props for making their presentation look good. Jim Ross makes his first Wrestlemania debut while this was the first time Macho Man Randy Savage made his first commentary on a Wrestlemania. Another thing that made this Wrestlemania different form the past Wrestlemanias was that it was held outdoor (which is a problem when the sunlight’s in the way), the whole show was taken place during the day (not at night) and this is the smallest attendance record of people appearing on this very show. Even though this is already a stir amount of problems, the real problem here is the whole card of matches. Everyone know that this show is bad, but the question is how bad was it?

Tatanka (with Sensational Sherri) vs Shawn Michaels (c) (with Luna Vachon) – The whole story here is that Shawn Michaels and Sherri are no longer a team any more and she sides with Tatanka. Tatanka was still undefeated at this point in time and it was for the Intercontinental championship. This was a a decent opening match where the wrestling was technical and basically well worked, but the finish of this match was a huge downer by ending it with a countout. I don’t know why Miachaels had to take the referee out of the ring before he counted to 10 but it was a stupid way to keep Tatanka’s undefeated streak just to keep the IC championship around Michaels’s waist.
Match Score: 2/5

The Steiner Brothers (Rick and Scott) defeated The Headshrinkers (Samu and Fatu) (with Afa) – Honestly this was not a bad match (considering that this is the only good match in this entire card) and you can see how talented the Tag Team the Steiner Brothers really is! Scott and Rick were true technical powerhouses where they were able to show great wrestling from WCW and the Headshrinkers (stupid tag team name) kept up with the beat down with the two brothers. I really liked how this match was the most basic tag team match that didn’t rely on the traditional babyface needs to make a tag that drags in nearly all Tag matches. There was a great stunt where The Headshrinkers were about to use the Death Device tag team move on Rick Steiner and Steiner still on Samus shoulders reversed that maneuver into a powerslam on Fatu. That was beautifully executed. And that finish where Scott used his Frankiensteiner to win with pinfall was really fantastic! Honestly the best match on the show, but that’s not saying much considering it wasn’t that memorable
Match Score: 3/5

Crush vs. Doink the Clown – Anything with Doink is automatically a bad match. Crush wasn’t even that great of a wrestling where the match was so slow and unexciting. The worst part of all is that this match was close to the ten minute mark and it made it a struggle to sit though. And the worst part of all is that Doink the Clown defeated Crush… honestly, this match was a complete joke having two Doinks to cream Crush, who’s supposed to be a great powerhouse! Stupid!
Match Score: 1/5

Razor Ramon vs Bob Backlund – This match could have been a great match and it was the debut of Ramon and Mr. Bob Backlund. Backlund was impressive here where he’s the only Wrestler from the 1970’s that could keep up with someone as big as Razor. This match should have lasted longer than it should have because we’re talking about two most talented WWF wrestling going toe-to-toe but the match up sucked. The match didn’t end with a good old sleeper or a Razor’s Edge. No! It ended in a small package that left all of us feel like we’re cheated. No wonder why nobody remembers this mid-card match because it didn’t leave anything towards the finish.
Match Score: 1/5

Money Inc. (Ted DiBiase and Irwin R. Schyster) (c) vs The Mega-Maniacs (Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake) (with Jimmy Hart) – Isn’t it wonderful that Hulk Hogan wasn’t a main event of another Wrestlemania? The Mega-Maniacs wasn’t a bad tag team and it was great to have them face what was once the biggest heel team in the WWF. It shows that Hogan was made for a match up like this one, however as I was watching this match, I cannot help but notice his black eye. And worst of all is that Beefcake and Hogan didn’t end up winning the belts. When the ref bumped, Jimmy went in like a idiot changing his Jacket to a ref shirt just to make a fake count that didn’t even matter if he made it to three, then Earl Hebner woke up and announced a disqualification on Money Inc. now still reigning with the titles, really shows how terrible this match ended up. DUMB!
Match Score: 2/5

Lex Luger vs Mr. Perfect – I don’t care how many women Luger came in the ring with, it did not distract me from how bad this match really was. Hell, even Kurt Henning couldn’t remember that Lex’s nickname was the Narcissist. Luger wrestled like a bitch here where he oversold Perfect’s moves and his wrestling ability was so lackluster. Kurt Henning was carrying the match to make it half as good, but the thing that sucked is that Lugar (despite all the damages he received from Mr. Perfect) still won this match with a  crucifix roll up. The thing that aborted this match was that both of Mr. Perfect’s feet where on the mid ropes and the ref didn’t bother to look at the rope break being made and just counted to 3. What an abortion of a finish and it deserved to be called a horrible match by every way.
Match Score: 0/5

The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) vs Giant Gonzalez (with Harvey Wippleman) – And speaking of abortions… This is without a doubt the worst match in Undertaker’s career and the role Wrestlemania show! None of it was Undertaker’s fault, rather it was the booker’s decision to have him to become dance parters with Gonzalez. This is the reason why I’m not a fan of giant wrestlers because Gonzales (along with Great Kahli) are incredibly slow. I never bought in the stupid Gonzalez’s gimmick where they had to take a 7 foot’6 that’s built-in as 8 feet tall and had to make him wear that ridiculous body suit that had muscles on it, that made the how viewing experience terrible to watch. To make things even more awkward was Taker came in with a freaking crow for some apparent reason, but the bird would had died from how terrible this match as. Poor, Taker. The whole match was atrocious. Non of the moves Taker used on Gonzalez looked at all affected but was oversold like shit. There were just too many punching, choking, and no wrestling involved. The worst part of it all was Gonzalez used a towel of chloroform, which Gonzalez used to knock The Undertaker unconscious. This match ended in a disqualification and it was already bad enough, but the drama continues with Taker coming back to the ring after he was dragged out with the medical team just to give Gonzalez a flying close line because Gonzalez was too big for a chokeslam or Tombstone. What a stupid way to continue to drag this match and each minute goes by gets worse and worse. Just to take Gonzalez down is the most pointless thing in wrestling it left a serious awful taste in our mouths. The Undertaker’s streak would have been a perfect streak if it wasn’t for this match
Match Score: -1/5 (The Lowest Score)

 Bret Hart (c) vs. Yokozuna (with Mr. Fuji)  – Here we are having Bret coming in as the champion facing the Royal Rumble winner, but non of these men were prepared for each other and that’s a bad thing. I love Bret Hart and Yokozuna but this is actually not a very good match. Bret, many times, outsmarted Yokozuna using his tactics against his size and power, but Yoko managed to use his size to squash Hart. I didn’t like the fact that this match didn’t feel at all like a Wrestlemania main event. It was more like an episode of Monday Night Raw where there are no surpasses, nothing was memorable, and it felt soulless throughout. I hated the finish of the match where Bret Hart got Yokozuna in the sharpshooter and then had sand tossed in his eyes by Mr. Fuji which got Yokozuna the pin. So a sand in the eye causes a knockout pin? That’s stupid!!! Honestly the worst main event in the entirety of Wrestlemania! YES! Even worst than the Hogan vs. Sid Justice match at Wrestlemania 8.
Match Score: 1/5

Hulk Hogan defeated Yokozuna (c) (with Mr. Fuji) – Oh but it didn’t even end there. If you want a match finish as bad, if not worse than ‘Taker vs. Gonzalez, along came egomaniac, Hulk Hogan, coming in the ring that all of the sudden was offered a match with Yokozuna by Mr. Fuji, as soon as Hart got defeated. He checks on Hart and Hart hides his eyes pointing for Hogan to get Yoko (while it looked like he was actually face palming this booking decision). All of the sudden, Hogan was being held by Yokozuna as Mr. Fuji was about to throw “sand” of all things, only to hit Yoko in the eyes, having Hogan give Yoko a closeline and leg drop. He pinned in for the WWF Championship making this 22 seconds of “awful” experience. And then here we are left with Hogan posing with the damn belt with a fucking black eye. That, ladies and gentlemen is the main event ending of Wrestlemania 9. To have Hulk Hogan come out after Bret Hart had a full on match against Yokozuna, just to have Hogan to win the belt over Hart and overshadow is rise to fame is completely unforgivable!
Match Score: -1/5 (The Lowest Score!!)

Wrestlemania 9 has got to be one of, if not the worst wrestling show of all time, not just the worst Wrestlemania of all time. We’re talking about a card that had matches that couldn’t score higher than 3/5 and had so many matches that had a 2 to 0 score. Yes for the first time ever I gave a 0 out of 5 score in a Wrestlemania and it’s worse that there are two 0 out of 5 Matches. This whole show was a complete disaster. Putting sluts and non wrestlers to wear togas just to make this Wrestlemania look like a colosseum was all props and no substance. It shows how much Vince never gave a fuck about this show and how dare the WWF say that this was an epic show in the Wrestlemania DVD. No! It does not compute! It’s so sad to see Macho Man and Jim Ross starting their commentating debut on this show and let just in disgust to see Jim Ross in a toga and nobody could save the show. Gonzalez vs. Undertaker was bad, Lex Luger was horrible at wrestling, and having Hogan to burry both Bret Hart and Yokozuna was aborted the whole show in just 22 seconds without even winning the Tag Team Championship that we was originally booked in for to take away the WWF Championship. At times there has to be a best and there has to be a worst and nothing could ever get any worse than Wrestlemania 9. Of course there are bad Wrestlemanias after this one this, but this show was so bad that it is equivalent to the Plan 9 from Outer Space, Battlefield Earth, Batman & Robin, Spider-Man 3, The Last Airbender (movie), and The Star Wars prequels of wrestling shows. No wonder why so many people lost interest in the WWF and tuned into the WCW instead. No one alive can ever say that Wrestlemania 9 was at all good because it is easily the worst of all time and every wrestling fan is unanimous with such statement!

The Top Lister’s Score for Wrestlemania IX:

                      0/5

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